


Promise Me

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love/Hate, M/M, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-06-05 06:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6693943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is it possible to love the devil? Is it wrong for me fall deep in love with someone so cruel and sadistic, someone who would beat me to the point of death?</p><p>My lover Levi wasn't so barbaric in the past. He was actually loving and caring, but all that changed after his siblings Isabel and Farlan died a gruesome murder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning- This may trigger some-   
> There will be physical,mental abuse and self mutilation..
> 
> Thank you to all wgo are reading it means so much!
> 
> This book will also be found on wattpad with the same username L_stDreamers
> 
> I am not 100% sure if I want this to be a short story/ OneShot or a full on story..
> 
> That is all :)

Is it possible to love the devil? Is it wrong for me fall deep in love with someone so cruel and sadistic, someone who would beat me to the point of death?

My lover Levi wasn't so barbaric in the past. He was actually loving and caring, but all that changed after his siblings Isabel and Farlan died a gruesome murder.

He would be so distant. I would try my best to comfort him the best I could, but he would push away my loving affection.

His grieving would turn into aggression then that gave birth to physical abuse...

Or is it possible to _stay_ in love with someone so cruel.

It was 9 in the morning and I have had my 3rd beating already. I can't take it any longer. Doesn't he know he's hurting me?

_"I'll always love you no matter what. I'll be here for you, always."_

His words rang in my brain, reminding me of before how he would say nothing but I love you's. Was it a lie?

I learned to keep my mouth shut and take the pain. Sometimes I tell myself I deserve the beatings only because I know deep down I deserve them.

I couldn't keep my husband happy, I let him hurt, so I guess that's why I let him do this to me.

But I can't help but feel my sanity slipping away from my grasp. He traps me here in this suffocating room. At times I feel the dull grey walls are closing in on me.

Levi barley feeds me and when he does he gives me only a small portion of food but I don't care at least I'm eating.

Most people would think I'm crazy for still loving him, they would leave in a heart beat. I'm not like most people. I don't give up on the ones I love.

I sit in the dark corner of the room awaiting for more beatings to come.

I hear agonizingly slow foot steps creak upon the old wooden floor-board.

I hold my breath and count to 10. It'll be over before I know it.

1,2,3.

The door opens.

4,5,6.

His pale perfect porcelain face reveals itself from behind the door.

7,8..

"I'll always be with you, Eren." His voice sadistically sings in my head.

9..

Levi struts towards my cripled limp brusied body.

10..

He pulls my hair and slams my face into the wall.

"Tch, filthy." I hold in a cry.

He kicks my stomach, air is no longer supporting me. My lungs tighten inside me crying for air I fall to the floor unable to bear any more.

My lover kicks me repetitively. Is it even right to still call him my lover?

Yes it is, he's just hurting.

"Levi, please." I gasp. "I-I can't take anymore." I look up into his eyes looking for any signs if sympathy or mercy.

None.

It's like he blocks all emotions. I wish I could help him, I really do.    
Oh how I wish he was the same as before. Loving and kind.

_"I love you to Levi." I smile at my beautiful husband._

_I hold onto him as we watch a movie._

_"Eren?"_

_"Hm?" I look into his grey eyes._

_"Promise me no matter what, you'll always love me."_

_I lightly kiss his right cheek." I promise my Love."_

I will always love you Levi no matter what. Even if you eventually kill me, I'll always love you.

Levi finally stopped beating me and left the room.

I layed on the hard floor unable to move. A salty tear cascaded down my cheek.

If I don't get up off the floor soon he'll be back and forcefully make me get up.

I slowly drag my body to the wall for support. My body is screaming for me to stop but I keep going.

I hold onto sturdy things such as a tabel and the love seat near the bed.

I carefully lay myself on the cold bed. I deserve this. I really do. I have to take the pain for my love.   
Realizing I need to use the bathroom I began making my way to the bathroom.

I look at my reflection, how revulting. My once bright ocean green eyes are now dimmed with no shine to them anymore. They have changed to turquoise to a dull green.

Dark hideous bags show very well under my eyes along with a large purple bruise.

My hair has grown more than wanted. My brown locks tangled in a mess. My body looks so fragil, so brake-able.

A shiny object catched my attention from the other side of the bathoom.

I limp toward to the object that lays on top of a small box. Its a knife.

"Maybe just a little cut would do no harm." I say to myself.

I bring the small knife to my wrist and press down not even questioning why there was a knife in the bathroom.

The sharp pain caused a dark feeling to bloom in my heart. I watched the little red dots appear on my small wrist.

One became into three, three became into six,next thing I know The bathroom floor has little red dots around my feet.

I finished and cleaned up the mess I made.I deserve this punishment. I repeat in my head. 

I walk to the cold empty bed and relax my body onto it.

Don't worry Levi I'll never leave you. I promised you I never will dare to, I am here to stay.

"I promise." I whisper before the comforting black consumes me in a dreamless night. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a decision that I am going to make Promise me into a full story
> 
> Thank you for reading :)

Pain surged all over my weak frame, causing groans of discomfort and agonizing pain to escape my mouth. I open my eyes realizing I am on the hard wooden floor of my bedroom. 

Levi must've kicked me off the bed,he does need his space to sleep.. I try to get up but a force brings me down. "What the fuck are you doing?" I look up to my lovers eyes.

Merciless stone cold grey eyes. "I-I was trying to get up." It was very clear that uncertainty laced my voice.

"What did I tell you about looking directly at me? You're such a filthy piece of shit." Levi grabs my hair tightly and pulls back my head. "DON'T YOU EVER, EVER LOOK AT ME DIRECTLY IN THE EYES!" I coward in fear. I try getting off from his monster grip but fail.

My lover pushes my head against the wall, he gets up cornering me and releases his anger right on que. He always does this every morning,  _always_ .  Never have I had a beatless morning or woken up without any disturbances, well I have but that was a long time ago. 

I remember the wonderful memories like it was yesterday. Levi would always wake me up by providing me with butterfly kisses all over my face. Sometimes he'd wake me with a scrumptious breakfast. I yearn for those days. Eating full meals, being ecstatic with my lover. I gave out a long, loud piercing cry from the beating. He thrusted his foot on my head.

Pain was excruciating. I felt liquid trickle down the side of my head. He striked again but kicking my stomach. I try to muster up words but air has left me, like always. I finally breath in some air letting out only one word. "Stop!" I wheeze. 

I try catching my breath. "Filthy brat, can't handle a couple beatings? Pathetic, why are you still alive?" I often question my existence. I wonder sometimes if I was meant to have this type of life. I didn't see Levi as the abusive type, I still don't think of him that way either. 

He's just broken, and we all have ways of helping ourself get better. If only I could help him, all I'm doing is laying on the floor. He was right I am pathetic. 

My beautiful lover gives me one last painful kick before he walks off to leave. This time it's going to take awhile to get up from the floor. I should be used to this by now. Why does it hurt so much? His words leave gashes on my once strong heart. I let my body lay onto the cold floor.

Everything is fine, I'm going to be alright. Soon Levi will get better, I can feel it. 

" _Hey, hey, Eren, my love wake up?" I was awoken by soft warm kisses. I rub the sleep off my eyes and stare at my stunning newly married husband. The corners of my mouth turned up and reveal my front teeth_ _._

_"Hey pumpkin." He hands me a tray filled with mouth watering food. "Eat up." I don't even think twice, I devour down most of the food within a blink of an eye the tray is empty. Levi chuckles."I love you so much." He kisses my left cheek._

_"Levi turn on the TV please." He snatches a hold of the remote and turns on the television. He leaves it on the news. I groan loud enough for him to hear._

_" The news is so tiresome, babe please change it." I glance at him then to the screen. "2 young adults,siblings,found murdered in a small alley way just south from Redoaks Road. They were brutally injured from what looks like multiple gun wounds and more than a few stabbings. They were taken to the hospital to see any signs of life still, sadly none. Police officers are now trying to contact the victims families." The reporter finished and at the end showed a the young victims._

_"I-Isabel F-Farlen?" I quickly clutch onto the remote and turn off the TV. I swiftly take Levi in my arms. "Levi?" No emotion was visible on Levi's face. All color drained, his eyes lifeless. He's gone. "Levi!" I begin to shake him."Levi talk please!" He gets up off the bed and leaves me,I try following him but he had already got inside the our car and drove away. I watched the car drive off until it disappeared within the streets_ . 

That was the last day, Levi ever displayed any signs of feeling. The day his siblings died. 

"I'm still alive because," I inhale a deep breath." I promised you I'll never leave you." As I thought I was alone, I wasn't. I saw his silver eyes stared down at me widening ever so slightly. If I were to blink I wouldn't have caught that. 

He was standing slightly behind the door,I quickly looked away and continued to lay on the floor. I thought Levi left, when did he come back? I start to panic. Fear is obviously visible now, even though I am laying down. My body quivers from his intense stare, I can feel his eyes buring holes ontop of my head. I wait a few seconds once I finished I looked up to see him no longer there. 

Was I hallucinating? Was he really there? I question myself. I look to the door again and see it partially opened. Curiosity gets the better hand of me and now I'm forcing myself to get up off the floor. I eventually got up and limped to the door. 

I haven't stepped foot out this room since 3 years ago. The first time I remembered I put up a fight. That wasn't very smart, I knew Levi was going to win . 

I take a peek to see how the house looks like now. The only part of the house I can see is the dim hallway. To my surprise it's filthy. There were once neatly framed pictures on the wall now they're shattered to pieces all over the floor. Empty beer bottles fill the dark hall way. I see another door that's barely opened. I'm already going to get beat up again probably later on so I go out of the room quietly. I tip toe around the bottles and broken glass. 

The floor is very dirty looks as if it hasn't been clean in years. I get to the door and check if Levi is inside. I don't see him in there so I step inside taking my chances. This room actually looks way better than what I encountered in the hallway.

My poor love must be going through so much, how am I suppose to leave him when he needs me? Oh my dear Levi, I'll be here for you. 

I walk around the small room,my eyes found a book laying on a neatly made bed. A journal actually. I slowly walk towards it. I cringe from the pain of bending down to pick it up. i look of the cover and in neat letters it spells out the name Levi.

"What are you doing?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I have not updated in about a few weeks. I have been studying for test that pretty much occupied my time.
> 
> This chapter will be in a third person point of view 
> 
> Here's chapter 3 of promise me

The man across the room stared at Eren. Just stared. Nothing else, yet Eren could feel his pulse beating in his ears, blocking out all other sounds except the breath that was raggedly moving in and out of his mouth at regular, gasping intervals.

He found that he too was staring. He could not take his eyes away from the other eyes across the room. Eren _knew_ he was about to die. He had never felt so certain of anything else in his life. He could no longer control his hands; they were shaking in an odd trembling rhythm as the colour drained from his face. Yet still he stared, willing himself not to run.

"Do I need to ask you again?" Levi's voiced was strangely calm.

"I-I was..the-the door." Eren trembled unable to speak anymore

Levi casually strolled over to Eren until he was right in front of him. Eren noticed the height difference, at an inconvenient time.

Eren braced himself for what was to come. He stared down at his feet no longer able to look at his lover,his hands clammed up in a tight ball.

_Why did I come out of the room?_

Levi clutched onto Eren's brown mop of hair and forced Eren looked at him.

Levi looked into Eren defeated emerald eyes. Never has Levi looked at Eren this long, he could never bring himself to look at him. That's one of the reasons why Eren wasn't allowed to look at Levi directly at him.

Levi couldn't bring himself to do it, he knew he would give in. Now look at him, he's giving in leaving Eren confused as to why he wasn't being thrashed.

He could careless about the book, he couldn't stand Eren looking at him.

"I'm sorry." Was all that was said from Eren's lover, Levi. He let go of Eren and fell to the floor.

"I'm sorry." Levi repeated over and over until he choked from his own words forgetting to breathe.

Poor Eren didn't know what to do, he felt even more useless than before.

He stood their for a few seconds before finally having the courage to sit next to Levi.

"Levi." Eren tried comforting. He wasn't sure if it was actually okay to hug him but he went ahead and did it anyways.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Levi ignored him.

It was like a repeat of when Eren tried to comfort Levi when his siblings died.

"Get away from me, LEAVE!" Levi roared.

Eren shrunk away in fear. He couldn't leave him like that, he made a promise to him that he would always be there, for him.

"I-I cannot do that."

"Leave, Eren. Leave this house and never come back. We can no longer be together. "

Eren didn't understand, as if his brain short-circuited and needed to be rebooted. He stood up and frowned

 _How could this happen?_ Eren said to himself.

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes until he saw nothing but sparkles. He tried to sit down beside the wall, but it was more like a stumble and fall that left him in a trembling heap on the floor of the dim bedroom.

Once the realization hit Eren and when the first tear got away, the rest followed it, creating a riverflow on his pale cheeks. His lungs rummaged for oxygen, and his sobbing had the same force of someone drowning. The flesh under his ribcage throbbed, his cheeks burned.

"Do you know that I _can't_ leave you? I made a promise that I _will_ not brake!" Eren paused for air." I will stay by your side until we both die. We are married Levi,I love you please don't say that!"

Levi stood up and looked away from Erens pleading gaze.

"Fine, I _will_."

Eren was frozen in disbelief that bordered on horror. With the comprehension of the news, his face went ash as his trembling hands rose to stifle the cry that would not find breath to give it sound.

"Read the journal I don't care,do whatever you want. I'm leaving."

And with that Levi walked away from the only man he ever fell in love with, the only man that loved him, Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify if anyone thought, this is not the end :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 4 of Promise Me  
> \- this chapter will be in a third persons point of view

 

If you could describe Levi,you would say he's lifeless, gone. You're able to physically _see_ the pain oozing out through his face. He's appearance, doleful.

He left Eren for the second time of his entire lifetime. The first was when his siblings died,that was a long time ago.

"A pit , a high energy vortex that keeps pulling me down and down . Its like one of those dreams where I keep falling and falling and there seems no end to it and if that wasn't enough,"Levi pauses."slowly the light appears to dim and before I know it I'm surrounded with this dark empty space filled with nothing but my own negativity and suffering and then from the darkness, thoughts appear that its better to curl up and die,"

"Somehow rather than to make futile efforts to climb back up towards the little rays of light that still sometimes penetrate this dark soulless pit I feel in the the depts of my heart." Levi held a piping cup of green tea, no longer having the feeling of being filled with a beverage.

He put the cup down on a colster and turned to his closest friend, Hanji Zoe.

She was the one who took him in when Levi drove away from Eren, the one who convinced him to go back to Eren. She was always their for him especially in the past.

"I would beat him Hanji, _beat_ him!" This was the first time Hanji had heard about Levi's abusive behavior towards his husband Eren.

"I don't deserve him. He deserves someone better,someone who will love him unconditionally and who would never lay a finger on him the wrong way."Levi cried out.

Hanji gave Levi a sympathetic look, but then that turned into a angery stare. "Levi you are not going to stay here like this knowing Eren is hurting at this very moment! I won't let you continue to hurt him."

"You are going to get your ass up off this couch and go back home, where you belong." Hanji softened her voice. "He needs you Levi,you can't do that to him." Hanji picks up Levi's bevrage and put it in her sink semi filled with dirty dishes.

Levi stubbornly shook his head."No, he's fine, he doesn't need me." Levi said more to himself.

"Bullshit!" Hanji daringly grabbed Levi's shirt and dragged him to the front door.

"You are not allowed to come back unless all is well! Goodbye!" Levi stared at the old oak door that was presented in his face.

 _Dammit_.

"There's only one place I can go to now." Levi regreted this but he had no choice, he couldn't go back to Eren.

Reluctantly Levi grabbed his cell phone and dailed the number he despised the most.

"Hey, Erwin. You think I can come over? Yeah no he's gone."

\----

Eren was fuming with rage,glowering. Stomping back and forth,unable to keep himself still. Biting his finger-nails, anger was boiling inside him, you could practically see steam coming out of his ears.

His arms ached for mutilation but he was too angered to even look at a knife or blade.

"How _could_ he leave me!"Eren breathed heavily." I've done nothing but love him,care for him, I devoted my life my affection to him!"  
Erens thoughts clouded his sense of control,they over-rode everything he did,even the promise he made long ago.

It took ever ounce of willpower to calm down. He decided to take a cooling shower.

He turned the knob of the shower all the way to the right causing the air to become cool. The mirror was covered with fog.

He quickly jumped in instantly shivering from the low tempature. His arms becoming numb along with the rest of his body,including his heart.

 

After the shower Eren decided to go walk around the beaten up house. Its been a couple years since he was able to get up and walk around,instead of being locked up in a blank suffocating room.

Anger once again founds its way to Eren,his normally calm and pleasant demeanor slowly changed.

His face contorted in an all - consuming anger; his nostrils flaring, Erens eyes flashing and closing into slits, hid mouth quivering and drooling, slurring words that were unintelligible, came spewing into space like a volcano releasing its pent up emotions into the darkness.

"Asshole! Fuck him!"  
He continued at his quick pace into the living room, glancing over at the dust filled photos that were sittinv on the wall,mocking him.

Eren slammed his fist into the wall right next to the photograph of him and Levi happily smiling at the beach.

_How is it possible to be able to still love him after everything he has done?_

Tears cascaded down Erens tinted cheeks. Eren no longer having an infuriated temper but having a desolate, mournful feeling.

Eren sat down on the sofa exhasted, wondering where his lover had run off to and if Levi was ever going to come back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanting to point out that I have been overly happy from the feed back. Like when I read the commenta, it means so much to me that you all like this.
> 
> Thank you :)


	5. Chapter 5

"So you're tell'n me that Eren, _left_ you? That doesn't sound like something he would do." Erwin gazed at Levi.

"That's what I thought to." Levi looked away from the blonde man and glanced at the clock. It was late Levi needed sleep. He needed to have a fresh train of thought.

"I missed you so much, Levi."Erwin's hand reached Levi's shoulder.

Levi always felt painfully uneasy when he is with or near Erwin, ever since he had confessed his unshared fondness towards Levi.

Levi wanted to smack his hand away but he didn't, he wanted a comforting hand. He wanted Eren to comfort him.

Levi began to tear up catching Erwin off guard.

"Hey it's okay,it's okay." Erwin spoke in a mellow tone, just like what Eren would do whenever Levi was stressed.

Erwin looked down at Levi with the same look he had a few minutes ago."He isn't worth it."

 _That's not true_ Levi wanted to say but he kept quiet.

Erwin bent down kissing Levi's chapped lips startling Levi. He didn't move an ounce, he couldn't. Erwin was fine with that, as long as he got to kiss Levi.

Within time Levi began to slowly move in sync, both gaining a rhythm.

Erwin's hand lower to Levi's waist.  
It all began with a kiss.

At the very moment their lips met, A flush of regret wiped over Levi's body, more like a river flow of regret harshfully flowing through his entire body.

He realized what he was doing is wrong but he couldn't bring himself to stop. He told himself this is purely physical and nothing more,but that didn't help the horrible feeling of regret eating at him in the pits of his stomach.

But he continued.

Tears fell down his cheeks as he grabbed hold of Erwin's face, comparing it to Eren. They were completely different,Eren had more soft features while Erwin had rough skin with slight stubble.

His lips were rough while Eren's were like silk. His kisses where forced and hard while Eren's were soft and patient.

Everything about them contrast. Levi wanted to stop, he wanted something to happen so he could stop.

The kissing became more demanding from Erwin, he slipped his tongue into Levi's mouth. Levi gave out a unwanted moan.

\----

Eren was growning antsy, he would think Levi would come back but deep down he knowingly _knew_ he wasn't coming back. He tried so hard to surpress that thought.

He only knew of one person who _would_ know where he had gone.

Eren grabbed ahold of a cell phone and dialed the memorized number.

"Where is he?"He breathed.

 

"What do you mean you kicked him out?" Eren voice grew louder with every word.

"Eren, I told him to go back to you." Hanji calmy stated remembering her conversation with Levi.

"Well he certainly isn't with me!" Eren was anxious, he stopped eating the microwaved chicken soup and clasped his hands together.  
  
_Could something have happened to Levi? Is he in trouble?_

"Well do you know where he could have gone?" Hanji shook her head.

"No." Hanji lied.

Hanji knew of a person but she knew Levi wouldn't dare go there or that's what she thought.

Eren looked at her with pleading eyes. "There's no one?There isn't a place he'd escape to?" Eren only knows Hanji, she would be the first place Levi would go to,he had no idea there was another place.

She breathed out a heavy sigh looking directly at Eren."Erwin." That's all it took for Eren to storm out of the close friend house.

\----

"Levi."Erwin groaned.

Levi's shirt along with Erwin's where abandoned off somewhere to the side.

Levi was currently on top of Erwin straddling his hips grinding trying to get a better feel of friction.

Levi panted going down giving butterfly kisses on Erwin's neck.

_Eren despises me. Eren doesn't want me. I hurt him._

Levi repeated in head.

His lips traveled down to Erwin's collarbone sucking on it lightly, hearing another moan from the blonde man.

A faint sound of a knock came from the door. They both didn't hear. Then another knock was made but this time it was heard,they ignored it.

The third knock was booming making Levi pause and look at Erwin. Erwin gave out an annoyed groan and got up from the couch and walked towards the door.

"What?" Erwin asked agitated not knowing who was the young man standing in front of him.

"Do you know where Levi is?"Erwin was beyond confused as to why this boy would ask for where Levi would be. Then it hit him.

"Sorry Eren but I don't."Erwin was closing the door but Eren stopped it with his foot.

"Are you lying to me?" Erwin rolled his eyes.

"Look kid, you best leave before I call the cops." Eren wasn't fazed. He looked closely at Erwin noticing he didn't have a shirt and a slight red spot on his skin.

Eren became suspicious, causing himself to shove Erwin to the side and fully come inside the strangers home. There he saw Levi sitting up on a couch, cheeks tainted pink.

"L-Levi?" Eren stared at his husband.

Levi refused to look at Eren. He couldn't dare to.

Erwin strolled over to where Levi was located.

"How could you-you asshole you-" Eren faded out his voice as he peered down on Levi.

Eren spoke in a hush whisper."I _loved_ you." The immediate feeling was a deep sense of numbness in the pit of Erens stomach while at the same time a despair.

Levi felt as if his world was crashing down upon him.

"Eren I-I'm sorry."Levi's voice grew raspy and his breath was short.

Levi felt like an icy hand gripped his heart. He could feel his stomach drop and the blood drain from his face. The world seemed to stop, the only sound being his breathing and the hammering of his heart in his chest.

Especially since he said _loved_ instead of love. That broke down Levi.

Eren took the wedding band off his ring finger and slowly trudged towards Levi laying it on his lap.

"Eren please no!" Levi cried holding onto the ring running to Eren."I'm sorry, it meant nothing! I love you! Please Eren." He begged.

"You can't cheat in someone if you're in love with them.You wouldn't even consider doing it." Eren breathed in a long breath."I thought you genuinely cared about me,but I do know one thing. I'll always remember all the memories,at least they never change."

With all that was said Eren walked out the other male, Erwin house.

Erwin glanced at Levi then at the door. A secretive smirk developed on his face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a shorter chapter and is taking place in Levi's point of view. 
> 
> Thank you for all your comments I really do enjoy reading them!  
> ..  
> :)

Levi has started to repeat his unhealthy behavior as when he was a young rebellious teen in school. "Have you seen my fucking pack of cigarettes?" Levi asked rummaging through the messy coffee table then the kitchen counter.

"I threw them away Levi, babe you need to stop." Erwin said genuinely.

Levi abruptly stopped and sharply turned to the taller man. "What the fuck!"Levi yelled."I'm going buy more."Levi quickly grabbed his car keys along with his lighter and walked out.

Erwin sighed an continued to watch the news wishing he could stop Levi's destructive behavior.

-Levi's Pov-

That fucking tall big eyebrowed blonde ass. I drove to the filthy gas station parking my car in an empty slot. I grabbed ahold of my wallet along with my keys and went inside.

I was soon greeted with a loud bell chime and a soft hello from the front counter. I walked up to the cashier and asked for a pack of cigarettes. I heard the bell ring again and turned my head to see the person who came in.

I quickly turned back to the cashier and snatched the cigarettes slowly turning my head checking if Eren was still there. Ignoring the strange look the cashier gave me, I briskly walked towards the exit but then ceased all motion when I heard a laugh.

I hid behind a wall of chips and looked around it seeing Eren with a guy. It felt like my heart was shattering into many pieces. I held my pack of cigarettes tightly almost causing it to pop. I could practically feel the blood drain from my face, I began to hyperventilate.

_It's only been a month and he has completely moved on. We didn't even have a proper divorce! So technically we're still married._

I try to listen in on there conversation but it's very hard to hear when they're talking so low. I slightly moved dropping on of the chip bags forming a loud cracking sound. I rapidly run out the door to my car. I open it and sat down catching my breath. Maybe that wasn't my green eyed Eren, maybe it was someone else. I told myself not believing the lie.

I drive back to Erwin's place lightly up a cigarette, instantly most of my nerves vanish calming all my senses. I let the intoxicating death stick fill me up before I throw it out. I get to my destination and walk inside without saying a word. My cold lifeless demeanor once again lets itself out. 

"Hey Levi." Erwin's raspy cooe irritated my once calm nerves. He walked over to me and kissed my forehead."You okay?You look a bit distorted." 

I pushed him away from me."I'm fine." Anger flared coarsing through my body igniting a fire within my heart. How dare I let him kiss me. How dare I let myself hurt Eren. I really don't deserve him.

I stripped off my clothes and entered my bed letting sleep takeover my thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in quite some time and for the short chapter, I promise the next one is going to be longer and better :)


	7. Chapter 7

Eren groggily woke up wiping the crust around the edges of his eyes and the dried up drool on the corner of his mouth.

He glanced around the dark room he was located in. Slowly, he realized he was in his bestfriend's home. Just on que a jovial short golden haired male walked in with a tray of freshly cooked eggs and bacon with a beverage of water aside with some Advil.

Eren happily greeted the friend with a smile."Thanks Armin."

Armin had sat down on the corner of the bed near Eren."It's fine."

The blonde has been supervising Eren ever since his departure from Levi. Last night Armin had took Eren to the local gas station( more like forced him) to let Eren out of the dump of a lifestyle he lives.

You know, to get some fresh air. He also let Eren spend the night, Armin allowing his self to wind back and relax with a couple of beers with him. Eren of course had one to many. So Advil was needed in his afternoon breakfast.

"I'm going to open the blinds."

Eren nodded only paying attention to the mouthwatering food that was displayed neatly. He began to devour the food on the tray and had a few sips of water.

"How do you feel Eren?" This wasn't one of those repetitive mandatory 'How are you's' your mom gives you when you arrive from school. No. This is the genuinely concerned one.

Armin observed Eren's variety of mixed facial expressions. Eren stopped eating and glanced down at his almost epmty plate.

His tongue felt dry but he didn't care for water at the moment."I'm...alive, does that matter?" Armin breathed in let out a sigh.

"Eren, you know I'm here for you right?" Who _else_ would be there for Eren? Mikasa has past away 10 years ago in a car accident! His parents barely talk to him and when they do they criticize his lifestyle and his sexual orientation.

"Yeah I know. I guess I can say I feel doleful, dead."

"Well you kinda do look lethargic."Armin muttered. Eren gave a bitter laugh.

"I just wish none of the things that occured in the past few years had happened. I wish for him to get better. I wish these scabs on my arms would open up and bleed out once before. I wish for so many things that will not come true." Eren paused.

"He was my world, I loved him to the moon and back if possible,I loved him even more. And the sad fact is, I still love him. I miss waking up to his masculine scent, to the way he gives me soft kisses all over my face, when he would rub my back. I miss so many things and they all just come crashing down taunting me."

Armin didn't say a word. He couldn't. He had no idea how Eren felt in such a situation, this wasn't on of those times where you can get up and brush it off and put a mental band-aid on it.

Eren needed help,the help Armin couldn't give.

He of course wanted to try the best he can with Eren but his wounds are to deep, he needs help.

"Eren, I just wish the best for you. I can't really help you without giving you lies." Eren scoffed.

"I prefer you to tell me everything is going to be alright, just like your gramps."

Armin chuckled."Me too."

Eren finished up the rest of his food, Armin refused to let Eren wash his plate stating that he was a guest.

"Hey Eren!" Armin called out. Eren reluctantly got out of the comfortable bed sheets and dragged himself to the blonde.

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking." Armin stopped and looked up to Eren."I know you're very depressed and...and have been self mutilating, so I'm thinking you could get help."

Eren blinked.

"I think that would be goo-"

Eren laughed catching Armin off-guard.

"Armin I understand you care for me and you want to help me but I don't need to be bothered with stupid obvious questions by someone who doesn't care."

Armin frowned.

"Eren you've dealt with _numerous_ of dreadful events, it's horrible for me to say this but,it's a blessing you're still alive."

Eren listened.

"Please Eren, consider seeing a therapist."

Eren looked down to his feet."I'll consider it but no promises."

Armin let out a breath he had no idea he was holding."Good."

  
Through the whole day, Armin had been with Eren either playing video games and watching the good old TV.

Eren was glad he had a friend like Armin, but even _he_  knew that Armin felt distressed.

Armin has dealt with many things in the past,him and Mikasa. They all been through the gutter.

They say passion drives you to do things but what it does is makes a person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. A lot of people are frightened because, when it appears, it demolishes all the old things it finds in its path.

No one wants their life thrown into chaos. That is why a lot of people keep that threat under control, and are somehow capable of sustaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. They are the engineers of the superseded.

Armin is one of them. He focuses on the things he loves but then he forgets to love himself, forgets he needs to take care of himself.Even with his job.

Eren knows Armin won't do anything to harm his self, but there's still that disturbed thought thay Armin might take his life.

Eren knew he needed help, he just doesn't want it. What's the point of it? You sit down and give out your personal information to a stranger.

They tell you it's going to be fine that you're okay then they give you medication. Pointless is what Eren thought that was.

But he'd do it for Armin.

\----

A few days had past Eren went back home. Eren realised he needed to work again to be able to pay the house bills.

First he needed to find a therapist for free.

"Maybe I can call Armin for help." Eren shook his head.

"I can do this on my own."  
Eren had grabbed a random bag he had found in his room's closet and his house keys.

Eren had walked to the town's local library. He entered the small building, smiling at the librarian in the front desk.

He walked around until he found a computer. He began the therapist hunt.

It had took a hour and a half but Eren found a near by therapist for free. He went inside his bag and snatched a piece of paper and a pen. He wrote down the address and put the paper and pen back in the bag.

Eren walked back home tired. He opened his front door dropping the bag on the floor.

The house had been cleaned earlier but still looked like a house after a college party.

Eren strolled over to the couch and sat down with a sigh.

"Take it day by day."

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not an update

I'm so so sorry I haven't updated in almost 2 months now,I wqs just so caught up in time and stressed out because I didn't know what to write and where to go on, I'm very sorry to disappoint you but I'll be ignoring this story and focusing on the one i actually had in mind that I'm curretly working on. (I've been working on it before I started this one)

I am 100% sure that I will not abandon the one I will create in the future... 

Again I am very sorry :(


End file.
